look in the mirror

A few nights I was involved in what could be called a misunderstanding with one of my favorite people in the entire world.  I knew all along that I was being selfish and just wanting my own way.  I hate myself when I act like that.  I feel so out of control. Needless to say, I did not get my way.

The next morning I met with my friend.  He was ready for me.  He blasted my ass with every thing I had ever done that he did not like. That I was told that I over plan and then get upset when I dont get my way was probably the nicest thing he said to me. Problem was that he was right, and I had no truthful defense.  Other things were said to me that were outright hurtful and to a great extent things which I had brought on myself.  After all the talk and tension, we found ourselves in an awkward situation of silence, but it did not last long.  Before we knew it, we were at least going through the motions of things being back to normal.

Though we acted normal, I felt far from normal. I resented much of what had been said to me and I could sense some tension from him as well.  I was just hoping that the old saying that time heals all wounds would apply here..and apply soon.

As fate would have it, I found myself back in a conversation similar to that of a few days prior. I was not acting in a way of which I could feel much pride.  I was being a jerk.  He was beginning to act the same way, and suddenly with no warning he turned the course of the direction to one of warmth and friendship which totally but pleasantly surprised me.

Within a matter of minutes we were together talking.  Not much was said.  Of what was said was the point that earlier he had used me as a whipping boy to take out his frustrations on me because of unresolved issues he was facing.  I was quick to add that I too had been using him as a whipping boy for some issues I am dealing with now which do not have an easy solution.

Looking into the mirror of my behavior, I could see that I was as guilty of what I was accusing him of as he was.  We were both using the other to vent our frustrations in a "non-acceptable" way. In all fairness to the other party here, he had apologized days ago for the things he had said, so now it was my turn to not only make an apology to him but to accept his earlier apology. By the end of the day we were not only acting as if everything was ok with us, but we were enjoying the fact that everything is ok with us.


Lesson learned:  When we become upset with someone for not holding up their end of a relationship or freindship or partnership or whatever other short coming, we should look at our own actions fairly and objectively to see if we are doing as we should be doing on our side of the fence. To maintain a friendship is not always easy.  All good things often require more work than we are comfortably willing to give. This work can begin by mending our own fences before we attack and tear down our neighbors fences.  Once ours are in good shape, we should see that the same if true of theirs.

It has been said that a true friend sees you as you really are but accepts and loves you anyway. Another way of saying that is to say that a true friend puts up with your crap and loves you anyway. Love and friendship is a two way street.  One person can not make it work.  All involved parties need to put forth the effort to make things work out.  With some effort and work the most beautiful of man's crations can be accomplished, that of being and having a real friend.

Love and Best Wishes to all readers and especially that person I have spoken of here.

Marc.

a good day

It is just after one pm on January 22.  It is a Wednesday.  It is a sunny but very cold day. The outside temp is just above the freezing mark which is exceptionally cold for this time of day.

The ringing of the phone woke me.  I had previously been awake and moving around but decided to just lay back down for a few minutes.  I could hear Anne talking on the kitchen phone and I could tell it was good, though I did not know why.  Then I looked at my cell phone and had a message from Jon. Rosemary has been awarded a scholarship to cover her first year of college by the Kansas City Art Institute. She is presently completing her senior year at the Governor's School of the Arts in Greenville.

While eating my cereal and having my coffee I did some research on the Kansas City School of Art.  From all indications found on Google it is a very good school located between two highly recognized art museums in Kansas City.  It is fully accredited.  I read enough to feel proud of her for choosing to apply there and even moreso for being accepted and being awarded a scholarship.

Before I could get dressed the phone was ringing again.  This time is was Anne's aunt Doris calling to tell me that a letter I had written to the Greenville News had been published in today's edition.  Rather than talk of the letter, I will attempt a copy and paste here.

                                           Treat Immigrants with the Dignity they Deserve

     In a recent article written by David Blanton, director of missions for the Union County Baptist Association, he spoke on what the Bible has to say regarding immigration.  It is simply a matter of following the Golden Rule of treating immigrants as we would like for other to treat us. Blanton references the 25th chapter of Matthew which very clearly instructs on  the treatment of all people, especially strangers and those less fortunate than ourselves.
     With the millions of immigrants living among us we not only have the opportunity but also the obligation to treat them with dignity and respect.  Currently our laws and our society are not living up to this obligation.
      With the exception of the Native Americans we are all immigrants. We are a nation of immigrants. We should provide for the new immigrants the same opportunities that were given to our ancestors. This includes equal protection under the law as well as being allowed to work and pay their fair share of taxes.  The argument that illegal immigrants work and take jobs away form our citizens does not hold up because these people are not allowed to have social security numbers so they can not hold regular jobs.
      Many of our illegal immigrants are not here by their own doing.  They were brought in as infants and children by parents who failed to do their duty by making things legal for their children.  These immigrants only want a chance to fit into our society, to be able to support themselves, contribute to our communities, and pay their own way. Generally they do not qualify for welfare, and if by some chance they should qualify it is most often because our present system does not allow them the opportunity to pay their own way. Without proper identification their opportunities are limited and they are forced to face challenges that most of us could never understand.
      My wife and I have befriended immigrants from four continents. All of them are here seeking a better life for themselves and their families just as were our earlier immigrants, by being allowed to work to support themselves and to give back to our community by paying their fair share as well.
      We should examine our own conscience to be sure we treating everyone with the dignity and respect that we would like for ourselves.

They had changed form my origional title of Treating Immigrants with Dignity and Respect; otherwise the letter was exactly as submitted.  I was pleased with the change. 

The last paragraph was written midday.  It is now almost midnight.  I will only say the remainder of the day was rather uneventful, but the morning was totally awesome.. enough said...

Rooms

Anyone who has read my other blogs should have picked up on the fact that I am a somewhat non-traditional person.  It would be an easy assumption to think that I would live in a non-traditional house. No, I do not live in a tree house nor do I live in on a houseboat.  Our home is  surprisingly traditional in style. It is not exactly a ranch nor is it the typical bungalow. It is a 3 bedroom brick home built in the mid 1950's.  There is no separate den so but the living room is the living room. The dining room is the dinning room, and it is often used, though not on a daily basis.  The bathrooms are bathrooms. Our bedroom is our bedroom. Of course, the kitchen does its duty as the kitchen.

From that point forward nothing is as is should be.  One bedroom serves as our study. Anne and I spend countless hours there browsing the Internet.  It is not really an office, nor is it a den.  It houses several hundred books, but is not a library either.  For sure it is not a bedroom as was intended. 

For most folks, especially old folks like us, the guest room is almost formal, often closed off, and only entered for the purpose of vacuuming or dusting whether it is needed or not.  No, that is not our guest room. It does occasionally house a guests, but it is definitely not a guest room in the pure sense nor does it have the spirit associated with a guest room.  When Axel is home, it becomes Axel's room. His stuff is there whether or not he is here or not on any given day.  After school and during the summer, it becomes Jonathan's room where he hangs out and does what most seven year old boys do.  He watches television, plays his Nintendo, and sometimes reads.   The guest room often serves as a den. Axel sometimes entertains his friends there watching movies, or I may be chilling out there watching television when I don't want to watch what Anne is watching in the living room. On days Rosemary is out of school and visiting here, she sometimes takes it over as her personal space as well. So the back bedroom is guest room, Axel's room, Jonathan's room, a den or family room.  O yeah, we have extra linens stored in my grandmother's old blanket chest.  Anne and I use it for the overflow of some of our clothes as well.  Our guest room is uses daily in some way or another and is one of the busy spots of our home.

Some time ago we enclosed the screen porch off the kitchen. It was a typical side porch found on many houses of the period.  Our intent was to make it a simple sun room.  The washer and dryer were inconveniently located in the basement so the sunroom became the laundry room. Since the kitchen is just a wee bit short of storage space we decided to assign pantry duty to what was then the sunroom, laundry room, pantry.  There was space to add an easy chair and antique loveseat to make it a sitting room or more formally a keeping room.  Anne and her Aunt Doris are often there as well as many guests who just drop in for a visit. Rosemary often reads or does some of her art work there. We are never sure what to call the room but since the basic color is red, we just call it the red room or the laundry room or the pantry or the sitting room or the keeping room, and sometimes we even refer to it as the porch.  No matter what we call it, anyone who has seen that room knows of which room we are speaking.

While our traditional house is a non-traditional home, one thing is sure.  It is alive and has it's own unique soul and is among the most blessed homes to be found anywhere. 

wisdom

One of my friends posted the following on his facebook page.  I just wanted to add it here so I can go back to look at it again from time to time.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! MORAL : Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. 2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens. 3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less from people but more from yourself. 

4 days of Christmas 2013

Christmas actually began early morning of December 23 at about five minutes after midnight that morning.  I picked up Axel and Jeremy at Jeremy's apartment, and they came here to stay the night.
Around 8:30 the following morning, Anne knocked on the door to their room telling them they should be awake to see if Santa had come to visit them. Within a few moments, they were in the kitchen where I was cooking breakfast of bacon and pancakes. Anne led them to the dining room which is where the Christmas tree is.  We had an early Christmas with them that morning.  By the time I was finished cooking breakfast, our grandson, Jonathan, had arrived to stay the day with us.
Since Jeremy had to be at work by two pm at the mall, Axel and I dropped him off there and went back to his apartment.  I kinda helped but mostly "supervised" as Axel cleaned the apt since Jeremy's mom was on her way here to take them home with her for Christmas in Midlands near Charlotte. Jonathan was here at home with Anne for the rest of the day.

Early Christmas Eve morning I was out of bed and busy in the kitchen beginning to prepare the Christmas Eve dinner to be held here that evening with our son Jon, and his children, Rose and Jonathan.  Anne's Aunt Doris would also be here for dinner.

At the appointed time Jon arrived with Rose and Jonathan with the car filled with gifts for everyone. Within a few minutes Doris had arrived with more food to add to our dinner and another car filled with more gifts. After the Christmas feast, we celebrated Christmas and watched the movie White Christmas.  For sure, Christmas Eve evening was as storybook success.

First thing Christmas morning, Anne and I were at Jon's house to see what Santa had brought the kids. Oddly enough this was the first time we had been with the grandkids on Christmas morning to inspect the loot from Santa and this was Rose's 17th Christmas.. Wow.. finally.. Santa was very good to the kids this year, as he always is.

By mid morning Anne, Doris and I were on our way to Charlotte to visit Anne's cousin, Dianne and her husband Mike. We were there for lunch during which time Mike's sister Barbara dropped by with a chocolate pie and pecan pie she had made for them. Later Dianne's brother, Rodney, came by for a visit

Around 5 pm we left Dianne's home to drive to Midlands to pick up Axel and Jeremy.  With the car filled with gifts and left over foods, the five of us were our way to McAdenville, NC also knows  as Christmastown.  The entire town is decorated for Christmas.  Unfortunately, after waiting for way too long on the side of the Interstate at the exit into McAdenville, we decided the wait would be too long and the Christmas lights would just have to wait.  We  dropped Axel and Jeremy off at Jeremy's around 9:30.  When Anne and I dropped Doris off at her house we stayed for a short visit then we went home.  Later I went back to Greenville to pick  up Axel, and he was here for Christmas night.

The following morning the three of us, Anne, Axel, and I began the tasks of undecorating our house from Christmas.  After lunch I took Axel back to Greenville.

This Christmas did not follow our traditonal schedule, but looking back it seems like a stroy book Christmas.  Everything was as perfect as possible.  This Christmas will be remembered as one of the
 best ones, thanks to the love of family and friends.

Christmas Fun.

In an earlier blog I confessed to being crazy and expounded on the merits thereof. Let me give you a few examples as they relate to Christmas.

One year I purchased a box of the cheapest Christmas cards I could find. They were small with  short general verse and an old time looking picture.  It was very obvious they were something an old person with a limited fixed income would buy.

I carefully wrote a brief but personal note inside each one to the recipient would know that I knew them well. Being right handed, I wrote with my left hand to create a shakey and unstable hand writing; and signed each card with love, Fred and Lillian.  No, I have no clue who Fred and Lillian are either. We carefully selected just the right people from our friends and family card list and allowed Fred and Lillian cards to go to each of them.  Of course we did not put any return address on the envelope nor did we use a last name to the signature.

Later when in the company of those lucky folks who had received Christmas greetings from Fred and Lillian we would discretely bring  up the subject of Christmas cards and sit quietly waiting for the subject of Fred and Lillian  to come up.  Without fail folks would tell of receiving the card from what must have been an old couple with no return address and only with an Upstate South Carolina postmark. We did receive one phone call from a friend out of state asking if we knew a Fred and Lillian from upstate SC.  Of course, we plead ignorance to knowing that lovely old man and his wife.  He finally concluded he must have gone to church with them sometimes in the past in North Carolina but just could not place who they are.

Another year Anne and I made the decision  to limit the amount we would spend on gifts to each other to $10. We could not spend more than $10 total for each other.  I went shopping at the Dixie Gem shop.  I purchases a 2 kt cubic zirconia stone cut to resemble a beautiful diamond and had it mounded on a sterling silver mount and placed on a chain borrowed from Anne's jewelry box. Total cost $10.00

A few days later, I received a phone call from a friend. In the course of the conversation he asked me what I was getting Anne for Christmas. I did not lie. I simply said a 2kt pendant. He did not ask what stone and I did not tell him.  For years he would always ask what I would be getting Anne for any special event, Christmas, Valentine day, or anything.  He would always buy the same thing for his wife except on a bigger scale.  If I bought my wife a purse, he would have to buy his wife a purse and shoes to match.

Nothing more was said until about six months later he mentioned that he had gotten his bank note paid off. He confessed he had borrowed $5000 to buy his wife a diamond pendant necklace.  He seemed a bit embarassed that he could not afford a 2kt ring like I had bought but said he did get a good deal on one just over 1kt for $5000.  From that time forward, he never ever asked me what I was buying Anne for any special event.  Of course, I never told him that I had only spent $10 and that he had bought a far more expensive gift.  Actually, it was none of his business.

This year Anne and I agreed to restrict our buying for each other to items we would find at either a thrift store or the Dollar Tree. It will be interesting to see what comes of that.

With less than a week remaining before Christmas, I will take this opportunity to wish all a very Merry Christmas.  Remember is is not the size or the value of a gift that is important.  What is important is that it reflect the gift of Christmas love. Perhaps the most valuable gift could be your time well spent with someone or a hug to someone who needs one or even a smile or a simple Christmas wish.

Christmas wish

It rained most of the day today. It was cold. Being outside today was miserable. Anyway, I had places to go and things to do so I had no choice but to brave the weather and just get it done.  A few  miles from home I realized I was not wearing my glasses.  The poor visibility of the weather paired with not having my glasses made drive a bit more interesting.  Lesson learned: Prescription sun glasses work well while driving in the rain. 

One of the places I had to go today was to check in on our family business, Studio A.  So far this month we are  operating a strong healthy loss.  December sales have fallen through the floor due to the holiday. 

Over the past week, four friends have complained of sore throat, coughs, etc.  Luckily Anne and I have not been zapped with any ailment yet. 

I received a text from someone needing assistance with their rent due to car repair bills and also stating that their church was assisting them with Christmas expenses for their children. Luckily, I was able to work out something for him.  

Also received an email from our son now living in China that he has been unsuccessfully trying to contact us. I responded via email and got a response that was not necessarily bad news but could have been much better. 

Out of the gloom and doom of this rainy Saturday, a bright light of joy and peace came to totally change the mood of the day in the best possible way.I had another email from a young man who is part of the acquired family of which I have spoken of in previous blogs.  His email was short, and directly to the point.  He lives about a thousand miles to the north of us and he is planning to visit his family for the holidays who lives about a thousand miles from us in the opposite direction. He simply used the magic of love. He sincerely expressed the love he has for his biological family as well as for me.  He went on to say that he would be seeking peace of mind and of heart and that he knows he will find it in the love of his family through the holidays.  What really was the turning point of my day was his wish for me and those whom I love to find the same peace now and forever. 

The best Christmas gifts are not always wrapped in pretty packages but are those that come from the heart through the wishes of friends and family whom we love and who love us  Sharing the love of Christmas is the greatest Christmas gift of all.   I am happy and well blessed because I am a wealthy man in that respect.