look in the mirror

A few nights I was involved in what could be called a misunderstanding with one of my favorite people in the entire world.  I knew all along that I was being selfish and just wanting my own way.  I hate myself when I act like that.  I feel so out of control. Needless to say, I did not get my way.

The next morning I met with my friend.  He was ready for me.  He blasted my ass with every thing I had ever done that he did not like. That I was told that I over plan and then get upset when I dont get my way was probably the nicest thing he said to me. Problem was that he was right, and I had no truthful defense.  Other things were said to me that were outright hurtful and to a great extent things which I had brought on myself.  After all the talk and tension, we found ourselves in an awkward situation of silence, but it did not last long.  Before we knew it, we were at least going through the motions of things being back to normal.

Though we acted normal, I felt far from normal. I resented much of what had been said to me and I could sense some tension from him as well.  I was just hoping that the old saying that time heals all wounds would apply here..and apply soon.

As fate would have it, I found myself back in a conversation similar to that of a few days prior. I was not acting in a way of which I could feel much pride.  I was being a jerk.  He was beginning to act the same way, and suddenly with no warning he turned the course of the direction to one of warmth and friendship which totally but pleasantly surprised me.

Within a matter of minutes we were together talking.  Not much was said.  Of what was said was the point that earlier he had used me as a whipping boy to take out his frustrations on me because of unresolved issues he was facing.  I was quick to add that I too had been using him as a whipping boy for some issues I am dealing with now which do not have an easy solution.

Looking into the mirror of my behavior, I could see that I was as guilty of what I was accusing him of as he was.  We were both using the other to vent our frustrations in a "non-acceptable" way. In all fairness to the other party here, he had apologized days ago for the things he had said, so now it was my turn to not only make an apology to him but to accept his earlier apology. By the end of the day we were not only acting as if everything was ok with us, but we were enjoying the fact that everything is ok with us.


Lesson learned:  When we become upset with someone for not holding up their end of a relationship or freindship or partnership or whatever other short coming, we should look at our own actions fairly and objectively to see if we are doing as we should be doing on our side of the fence. To maintain a friendship is not always easy.  All good things often require more work than we are comfortably willing to give. This work can begin by mending our own fences before we attack and tear down our neighbors fences.  Once ours are in good shape, we should see that the same if true of theirs.

It has been said that a true friend sees you as you really are but accepts and loves you anyway. Another way of saying that is to say that a true friend puts up with your crap and loves you anyway. Love and friendship is a two way street.  One person can not make it work.  All involved parties need to put forth the effort to make things work out.  With some effort and work the most beautiful of man's crations can be accomplished, that of being and having a real friend.

Love and Best Wishes to all readers and especially that person I have spoken of here.

Marc.

a good day

It is just after one pm on January 22.  It is a Wednesday.  It is a sunny but very cold day. The outside temp is just above the freezing mark which is exceptionally cold for this time of day.

The ringing of the phone woke me.  I had previously been awake and moving around but decided to just lay back down for a few minutes.  I could hear Anne talking on the kitchen phone and I could tell it was good, though I did not know why.  Then I looked at my cell phone and had a message from Jon. Rosemary has been awarded a scholarship to cover her first year of college by the Kansas City Art Institute. She is presently completing her senior year at the Governor's School of the Arts in Greenville.

While eating my cereal and having my coffee I did some research on the Kansas City School of Art.  From all indications found on Google it is a very good school located between two highly recognized art museums in Kansas City.  It is fully accredited.  I read enough to feel proud of her for choosing to apply there and even moreso for being accepted and being awarded a scholarship.

Before I could get dressed the phone was ringing again.  This time is was Anne's aunt Doris calling to tell me that a letter I had written to the Greenville News had been published in today's edition.  Rather than talk of the letter, I will attempt a copy and paste here.

                                           Treat Immigrants with the Dignity they Deserve

     In a recent article written by David Blanton, director of missions for the Union County Baptist Association, he spoke on what the Bible has to say regarding immigration.  It is simply a matter of following the Golden Rule of treating immigrants as we would like for other to treat us. Blanton references the 25th chapter of Matthew which very clearly instructs on  the treatment of all people, especially strangers and those less fortunate than ourselves.
     With the millions of immigrants living among us we not only have the opportunity but also the obligation to treat them with dignity and respect.  Currently our laws and our society are not living up to this obligation.
      With the exception of the Native Americans we are all immigrants. We are a nation of immigrants. We should provide for the new immigrants the same opportunities that were given to our ancestors. This includes equal protection under the law as well as being allowed to work and pay their fair share of taxes.  The argument that illegal immigrants work and take jobs away form our citizens does not hold up because these people are not allowed to have social security numbers so they can not hold regular jobs.
      Many of our illegal immigrants are not here by their own doing.  They were brought in as infants and children by parents who failed to do their duty by making things legal for their children.  These immigrants only want a chance to fit into our society, to be able to support themselves, contribute to our communities, and pay their own way. Generally they do not qualify for welfare, and if by some chance they should qualify it is most often because our present system does not allow them the opportunity to pay their own way. Without proper identification their opportunities are limited and they are forced to face challenges that most of us could never understand.
      My wife and I have befriended immigrants from four continents. All of them are here seeking a better life for themselves and their families just as were our earlier immigrants, by being allowed to work to support themselves and to give back to our community by paying their fair share as well.
      We should examine our own conscience to be sure we treating everyone with the dignity and respect that we would like for ourselves.

They had changed form my origional title of Treating Immigrants with Dignity and Respect; otherwise the letter was exactly as submitted.  I was pleased with the change. 

The last paragraph was written midday.  It is now almost midnight.  I will only say the remainder of the day was rather uneventful, but the morning was totally awesome.. enough said...

Rooms

Anyone who has read my other blogs should have picked up on the fact that I am a somewhat non-traditional person.  It would be an easy assumption to think that I would live in a non-traditional house. No, I do not live in a tree house nor do I live in on a houseboat.  Our home is  surprisingly traditional in style. It is not exactly a ranch nor is it the typical bungalow. It is a 3 bedroom brick home built in the mid 1950's.  There is no separate den so but the living room is the living room. The dining room is the dinning room, and it is often used, though not on a daily basis.  The bathrooms are bathrooms. Our bedroom is our bedroom. Of course, the kitchen does its duty as the kitchen.

From that point forward nothing is as is should be.  One bedroom serves as our study. Anne and I spend countless hours there browsing the Internet.  It is not really an office, nor is it a den.  It houses several hundred books, but is not a library either.  For sure it is not a bedroom as was intended. 

For most folks, especially old folks like us, the guest room is almost formal, often closed off, and only entered for the purpose of vacuuming or dusting whether it is needed or not.  No, that is not our guest room. It does occasionally house a guests, but it is definitely not a guest room in the pure sense nor does it have the spirit associated with a guest room.  When Axel is home, it becomes Axel's room. His stuff is there whether or not he is here or not on any given day.  After school and during the summer, it becomes Jonathan's room where he hangs out and does what most seven year old boys do.  He watches television, plays his Nintendo, and sometimes reads.   The guest room often serves as a den. Axel sometimes entertains his friends there watching movies, or I may be chilling out there watching television when I don't want to watch what Anne is watching in the living room. On days Rosemary is out of school and visiting here, she sometimes takes it over as her personal space as well. So the back bedroom is guest room, Axel's room, Jonathan's room, a den or family room.  O yeah, we have extra linens stored in my grandmother's old blanket chest.  Anne and I use it for the overflow of some of our clothes as well.  Our guest room is uses daily in some way or another and is one of the busy spots of our home.

Some time ago we enclosed the screen porch off the kitchen. It was a typical side porch found on many houses of the period.  Our intent was to make it a simple sun room.  The washer and dryer were inconveniently located in the basement so the sunroom became the laundry room. Since the kitchen is just a wee bit short of storage space we decided to assign pantry duty to what was then the sunroom, laundry room, pantry.  There was space to add an easy chair and antique loveseat to make it a sitting room or more formally a keeping room.  Anne and her Aunt Doris are often there as well as many guests who just drop in for a visit. Rosemary often reads or does some of her art work there. We are never sure what to call the room but since the basic color is red, we just call it the red room or the laundry room or the pantry or the sitting room or the keeping room, and sometimes we even refer to it as the porch.  No matter what we call it, anyone who has seen that room knows of which room we are speaking.

While our traditional house is a non-traditional home, one thing is sure.  It is alive and has it's own unique soul and is among the most blessed homes to be found anywhere.