A few nights I was involved in what could be called a misunderstanding with one of my favorite people in the entire world. I knew all along that I was being selfish and just wanting my own way. I hate myself when I act like that. I feel so out of control. Needless to say, I did not get my way.
The next morning I met with my friend. He was ready for me. He blasted my ass with every thing I had ever done that he did not like. That I was told that I over plan and then get upset when I dont get my way was probably the nicest thing he said to me. Problem was that he was right, and I had no truthful defense. Other things were said to me that were outright hurtful and to a great extent things which I had brought on myself. After all the talk and tension, we found ourselves in an awkward situation of silence, but it did not last long. Before we knew it, we were at least going through the motions of things being back to normal.
Though we acted normal, I felt far from normal. I resented much of what had been said to me and I could sense some tension from him as well. I was just hoping that the old saying that time heals all wounds would apply here..and apply soon.
As fate would have it, I found myself back in a conversation similar to that of a few days prior. I was not acting in a way of which I could feel much pride. I was being a jerk. He was beginning to act the same way, and suddenly with no warning he turned the course of the direction to one of warmth and friendship which totally but pleasantly surprised me.
Within a matter of minutes we were together talking. Not much was said. Of what was said was the point that earlier he had used me as a whipping boy to take out his frustrations on me because of unresolved issues he was facing. I was quick to add that I too had been using him as a whipping boy for some issues I am dealing with now which do not have an easy solution.
Looking into the mirror of my behavior, I could see that I was as guilty of what I was accusing him of as he was. We were both using the other to vent our frustrations in a "non-acceptable" way. In all fairness to the other party here, he had apologized days ago for the things he had said, so now it was my turn to not only make an apology to him but to accept his earlier apology. By the end of the day we were not only acting as if everything was ok with us, but we were enjoying the fact that everything is ok with us.
Lesson learned: When we become upset with someone for not holding up their end of a relationship or freindship or partnership or whatever other short coming, we should look at our own actions fairly and objectively to see if we are doing as we should be doing on our side of the fence. To maintain a friendship is not always easy. All good things often require more work than we are comfortably willing to give. This work can begin by mending our own fences before we attack and tear down our neighbors fences. Once ours are in good shape, we should see that the same if true of theirs.
It has been said that a true friend sees you as you really are but accepts and loves you anyway. Another way of saying that is to say that a true friend puts up with your crap and loves you anyway. Love and friendship is a two way street. One person can not make it work. All involved parties need to put forth the effort to make things work out. With some effort and work the most beautiful of man's crations can be accomplished, that of being and having a real friend.
Love and Best Wishes to all readers and especially that person I have spoken of here.
Marc.
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