Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is the definition of a family in the minds of the family members. Usually, one thinks of family consisting of blood relatives in the traditional sense. Some sociologist simply define a family as a unit of individuals who love and care for one another in the same sense as one would be considered as a member of a tribe or clan with no mention of blood relation.
The traditional concept of family as mom, dad, son, and daughter has become almost a myth in today's society. Somewhere between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Increasingly large numbers of people opt out of the marriage vows to simply live together and rear their family as a healthy, happy family group. Looking at exceptions to the traditional family concept we must include the many children living with a step-mom or a step-dad or both. Many become single parents due to the death of a spouse. Let's consider court ordered foster homes as well.
Both of our sons had friends while in middle and high school who felt as close to Anne and me as if we were their parents. Some even called us mom and dad. Our sons were close to some of their friends' parents and would refer to them as mom and dad also. We were, in no way jealous of the other parents, but in fact happy that someone would be willing to be there for emotional, spiritual, or even financial support for our kids.
God richly blessed Anne and me with two biological sons and three biological grandchildren. In many ways we fit the definition of the "traditional family" We were lucky. I will note that each of our sons have been married and are now divorced. Each of the former daughters-in-law has remarried so our grandchildren all have step-fathers in their lives. Fortunately the grandchildren appear to be happy and healthy in this situation and they all have maintained a great relationship with their fathers.
Whether you call it fate, or luck, or karma, or a blessing, or a gift from God, Anne and I would call it an opportunity. I suppose the correct sociological concept would be to label us as surrogate parents or grandparents to some young adults who came into our lives. Anne is often called "mom" or "AnneMa" (which is the name two of our biological children call her), or Anne. In addition to being Lynn, I have been called "Gramps" and "Dad". We are never "Mr or Mrs Hall". At the risk of appearing vain or conceited, I will say that we are honored that someone would value us enough to adopt us in these roles. It is also a humbling experience. It gives us a sense of responsibility and additional meaning to our lives.
As much as I would love to write about these honorary children and grand kids, I will respect their privacy and offer a word of thanks to them. It is awesome to receive an email from one in college telling me of recent accomplishments in school and successes in personal achievement and telling me the part I had in helping to bring about this success. It is really good to meet someone unemployed and almost homeless and later go into their work place and be introduced to their coworkers as "mom" and "dad". It feels so good to be with someone at the mall and be introduced as their "Gramps" and to hear their friends refer to Anne as "AnneMa". A sense of fulfillment is realized to have these surrogate kids bring their friends into our home as guests to meet us, or for dinner because it has become their home as well. Some days we have not known how many would be here for lunch or dinner or exactly who would be here over night. One morning this summer I found myself cooking breakfast for eight of us. It all works out though, because most of the housework and yard work is completed for us.
When I had surgery earlier this year, our son was at the hospital with me and waiting with Anne while I was in surgery. He brought us home and followed up to be sure we did not need anything else at the time. Later that day our adopted grandson came with one of his friends. The friend returned to his home and work the next day but the grandson stayed with us. He rarely left our presence and was sure we had everything done here that needed to be done. He worked with Anne to take really good care of me. You know, I am not sure if I even told him, "Thank you".. oops..
In so many ways it is like it was when our biological sons were home and coming in with their friends, some of whom called Anne "mom" and me "dad". The house is filled with laughter and conversation, of life and love again.
Sure, we are retired and in the autumn of our lives but we ain't dead yet. We have a lot of living and a lot of loving to do yet. Each day we pray a prayer of Thanksgiving for this opportunity to extend the family concept beyond its traditional bounds and a prayer asking for strength and wisdom to meet the challenges that come with it. Life is good!!!!
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